Bebe Bloemetje

I have cosmotitus........

I am a hoarder.

I am obsessed with hoarding...well not as obsessed as my sister, she still has ALL the pencil cases she has ever owned....I mean ALL of them!

I digress

Well a couple of weeks ago Cosmo cricket put out a DT call. ooooh exciting and I immeadiately dived to my Cosmo tray of paper...

No!!!

Stop!!!

It means I have to open the sealed packet of Jacks world....

I have to open my Robot rubons and peel mr campy.

I cant do it, its my stash and what if I never ever ever get the chance to smile at a smore again?????

But the thought of maybe, just maybe being able to join Cosmo well I am afraid that won over the hoarding addiction!

And so here are my things.

Varied

and I hope inspiring

I just wish I had a month of sundays to get all my ideas out of my head!

This paper always screams alter me, it offers a million different ways and twists....and thats why I hoard it.

I need to hoard it

It needs me to hoard it!!

And do not get me started on the fabric, really do not!

So what did I do?

A cake....Jack needs a cake

And then I layered and mixed vintage

Then I scanned and printed....cos Samuel so needs a Mr Campy T-shirt (I had to remove this from him with force!!)

And finally the fabric....the fabric....did you hear me? THE FABRIC!!!

I love my creations, especially Samuels shirt. I love it cos he is so proud of it, he told everyone mama made it.

I do love a challenge and for me it was opening that packet of Jacks world. After that it was easy, these designs are just easy. Made for all abilities, tastes and styles.....but 

Dont think for one minute it will stop my hoarding....I mean now I have that box full of all Jacks scraps....come on you didnt think I would throw those! Who knows what one can create with a 2cm x 1cm piece of red spot!!!

Good luck Cosmo with your search and please make more stuff for me to hoard!!!

The shed and the sunshine

Harry finished my kitchen last night. Its all girly and retro, with a pale blue worktop. I really love it. Last week we treated ourselves to lots of new cups and saucers from GREENGATE. Plus china spoons! In red and blue and flowers....its like my dream china!

We used this paper....its from PIP STUDIOS.

 

Today he is starting on the living room, which is a BIG job :) but he seems to be enjoying himself. We are planning in buying a wing chair and recovering a sofa. The walls will be a tint of brown/beige and one wall with most stunning wallpaper of the shadows of butterflies!

The sun is shining, I have been scrapping and sewing. Tomorrow I have lots of Prima and Cosmo to show you :)

My stillness is giving me a peaceful soul but I am very lonely and very hurt. I cant understand some of the reasons I need to be still. I feel like I am in one of those movies. You know when someone gets wrongly accused and you get all frustrated at the TV cos you so want someone to realise that they are telling the truth and they didnt do it! But its not a movie its real and its very hard.

I have dreamt the same dream over the last 3 weeks. I am in the garden and I am hiding in my grandads shed. I look out of the window and he is strolling, in grandads way, down the path pushing a wheelbarrow. He has his sleeves rolled up on his beige shirt and his face is so brown from the sun. Suddenly my nana appears behind him in a green marks and spencer skirt with lace trim and an orange check apron. She waves at me and frantically starts saying "jo-anne can you see me....I am here can you here me ...look I am here"

Then I wake up......its exactly the same EVERY night. In fact I cant wait to go to sleep cos I know they will be waiting for me....is that strange?

I would give the world to be hiding in that shed.......

Maybe I am and I just dont know it.........

Harry

On saturday we celebrated

Saturday Harry was 49 years old.....and we celebrated in our way.

Simple and quiet, the 3 of us chatting on the terrace. Samuel with his chat, Harry with his smile and me daydreaming.

But it was good.

I am so proud of my husband. Here he is with his mum. He is such a good son, husband and father.

The older he gets the more he looks like his own dad.

He is still a father to a 4 year old when most of his colleagues are nearly grandfathers! He footballs with Samuel, giggles with him and can become 4 years old himself at the tip of a hat (when no one is looking)!

Each month he gives a weekend to look after problem children at an orphanage. They love him.

He doesnt pretend to be someone he isnt

It makes his heart feel light.

And he is GOOD at it.

I love growing old with Harry. I love Harry, everyone who meets Harry loves Harry.

Happy 49 years Harry......we both love you....to the moon and back!

xxx

Scrap happy

This week one of my favourite layouts was on the Prima blog.....it was so nice to see it there smiling back at me.

Its not the first time but it seemed like it had a purpose.....to make me smile back.

I love this picture of Samuel, he was so deep in thought. We had just visited a castle and he was totally obsessed with the knights and the bow and arrows he had been allowed to shoot.

I love it that he loves the "old" fashioned things in life. That its not about the TV or computer, that its about imagination and all the joy of a toy soldier who is the "great protector". Its amazing to hear him play. Hear him chit chat and make up stories. He reminds me of me, but that seems a life time away.

I look back and see that I was once such a giggler, just a fantasist always away in the clouds with dreams pouring out of my ears.

The world seems to have robbed me somehow of that.....it just seems to have slipped away.

But Samuels mama is gonna try so hard to keep him full of that dreamy stuff. It suits him, it suited me and I so want it back.....we are going to work on it together.....

Be still

A few days ago I had a bible reading.

It said when you dont know what to do, about a situation,  you should be still.

So I am being still.....I hurt and I am lonely but still is what he said so still it will be.

We have a new friend joining us tomorrow

 

She is called Betty and I love her!

Harry is at this moment decorating my kitchen in PIP wallpaper, Samuel is on a playdate and I am being still!

Tomorrow Amelie is coming to stay with us for the afternoon, she is nearly 3 months old. Harry has the pram down (from 1945!) and its all clean and ready. So tomorrow I will be walking through the village remembering how it was....4 years ago.

The only change is......then I didnt know it but now I do .....I am a good mother, the best I could ever be.

A song for Opa

Last sunday we took a trip to Eibergen, to visit Harrys mum.

We always make a visit to Harrys dads grave, its not a morbid place but a place where we can all be together.

Samuel is so used to going there, he knows exactly where the grave is and runs like a mad man to get there first!

Harry decided to clean the grave and samuel insisted on helping, telling Opa every step he was taking. Harrys family all lie in the same row, grandparents, uncles, complete generations. So Samuel carried on cleaning his greatgrandparents stone, in fact the entire te Raa family!

Just as we were leaving he announced "I want to sing a song for Opa....would you like that Opa?"

So two renditions of biblical songs later we left.

It dawned on me that my son is only 4 years old but accepts the comfort of the faith that his Opa is in heaven so easily. He has the faith of a child, the faith that most adults loose along the way. He is secure in the knowledge that he walks with Jesus and that all those he loves walk there too. Oh how I wish for the mind of my son again. The idea that the world loves you and everyone is your friend.

I wonder just how long we can keep him like that and how soon it will be before someone hurts him......

But for now I am just going to listen to that voice singing at a grave side....singing his heart out for an Opa he never met....my singing Samuel xxx

The flower - continued

So why a flower?

Well on our way home from england, last weekend, we had a call to say my grandfather had died.

At 92, well its someone you are just so used to having around!

Over the last 6 years we developed a very nice friendship. He stayed here several times, we drank beer on the terrace and he would walk hand in hand to the market with Samuel.

We shared some special moments in Helmond and Overloon, as he helped his colleagues commemorate those friends lost in WW2. We heard stories of his bravery, stories he had never spoken to anyone about but on a still battlefield they seemed to be something he needed to say.

He took us to the farm where a sniper had killed his best friend from an upstairs window.

What was so very special were the last few months I have spent at home. He would call on a daily basis, in the morning, just to say hello. It was after one of these calls that he told me for the first time "I love you".

For Samuel he was an amazing great grandad, and for me well he became my friend and I missed the phone ringing this week.

Its almost like this is a turning point. 

A time to say I dont like that.....something I dont say very often.

But for the first time in 5 years I have a lust for life and I love where I am in it.

God told me to listen, I didnt, so he told me again and I did. 

At some point the pain of rejection needs to stop......and I chose now.....my flower moment.

So Grandad, Samuel said he hopes you are safe on the golden stairs to heaven, he said that he misses you. God bless and if you ever feel lonely.....please make my phone ring....I miss my friend.

Sweet dreams

x

A flower for mama

Yesterday samuel came home with a handmade flower.

"Its for you mama....its to make you smile"

"I am your protector mama, did you know that?"

"I will love you forever"

That said it all.......

Bonnie Blythe

Foofie is all set....waiting for her sister to arrive.......

We bumble....

....along each day and I am able to go to work, Samuel off to school and Harry to play at soldiers!

Its all new and taking some getting used to but we are getting there.

My new job is different and hard but I think it might be just what I needed and I like the company too.

Today is my nanas birthday. There is not a moment in the day I dont think about her, it doesnt get easier I think you just get used to the empty space and find a way around it. I imagine her sitting next to me at work, in my kitchen on a sunday and at the moment I know she is telling me off as I write this in bed with wet hair!!

So nana happy birthday, I love you in an unbelievable way and my life has changed since you left me.....

Leave you with a digi ramble .......xx